White I was
White as snow
As innocent as expected of a new baby
White I was
Until I searched for love
For someone to love me
Other than family
Other than friends
Other than the precious love of God
Someone to feel the longing
Someone to make me feel beautiful
Someone to smile at me-a special smile-one that spoke of promises-And of a future with me
As white as snow
Until I realized just words didn’t solidify the feeling
There were other ways, one that sent thrills through my body
The first stain was but a speck of dust
Disappearing and reappearing every now and then
It was easy to ignore it
I didn’t let the thrills take over me
I was happy
And in love
As white as snow I was
He left me pure
Not that white anymore
The specks became permanent
Appearing and not disappearing
The craving for love got stronger
I wanted something real
Someone to love-a love to last a lifetime
I wanted something permanent
Tired was I of searching
Tired was I of being rejected because I refused to go further
To push
To allow myself fall
Allow my body rule me
There a big stain on me now
One I caused by wanting more
Wanting what I would still have had if I waiting
Waiting more that I could chew
As white as snow I was
As white as cream
It started as a speck
Now its a stain that can never disappear
Ever present
Tearing my insides till I can make it right
Make it right?
I often wonder if God would forgive me
If He would look past my transgressions and see what I am doing to make it right
To make it bearable…
I wonder if He would purge me with hyssop, so I shall be clean:
I wonder if He would wash me, so I shall be whiter than snow.
I wonder…..
Written by: ADEBANKE FALADE